16. Non-self

For the past eight years, a group of scientists has been studying a fascinating topic: what happens in the brain and mind when someone experiences a state where they no longer feel like a separate “self.” I was the first person they studied—essentially the original test subject. During this time, I practiced a form of meditation aimed at dissolving the sense of being a separate individual. The goal was to reach a state of consciousness that feels boundless, where there’s no clear center or “me” in control.
This research has now expanded to include 50 participants, most of whom are experienced meditators. These people are skilled at observing and describing their inner experiences, which is crucial for this kind of study.
The lead researcher, Professor Yochai Ataria, and his team use a method called neurophenomenology. This approach combines neuroscience (the study of the brain) with phenomenology (the study of lived experience). Instead of just looking at brain scans or data, they also listen carefully to how people describe what they’re feeling and thinking during meditation. They may ask questions like:
“What does it feel like to not have a sense of self?”
“Who is speaking when you talk from that state?”
These questions are especially interesting because, in deep meditation, I usually don’t speak at all. So, when I do respond, it raises the question: who or what is doing the talking?

[What Is Neurophenomenology?
The Neurophenomenological Research Program (NRP) is trying to build a better understanding of consciousness by combining two perspectives:
Objective science – like brain scans and measurements.
Subjective experience – how people actually feel and describe their mental states.
This approach values personal reflection and guided interviews. It treats self-awareness as something that can be trained and improved, especially through practices like meditation.
One important idea in this field is called epoché. It means suspending judgment, putting aside assumptions and just observing what’s happening in your mind. This is very similar to mindfulness meditation, which is why experienced meditators are ideal for this research. They’re trained to notice subtle changes in their thoughts and feelings and describe them clearly.
The scientists also use non-invasive brain scans that measure magnetic fields created by electrical activity in the brain. These scans help them see which parts of the brain are active during different mental states.]

Losing the Sense of Self
When I’m in a normal state of consciousness, I feel like I’m the one having the experience. I know it’s my body, and I can move it intentionally. For example, if I move my hand, I feel like I’m the one doing it, “it immediately confirms my sense of ownership”. This sense of control and ownership is what we usually call the self.
But during deep meditation, something changes. I begin to let go of the idea that I’m a separate person with boundaries. Instead of focusing on what’s happening inside me, I start to feel a sense of spaciousness—like my awareness is open and limitless.
At a certain point, I can’t even describe the experience. It’s beyond words. But when someone asks me questions, somehow words come out:
“I feel that there is no need for any boundaries”
“I am part of the world so there is no need for protection”
“There’s still a witnessing happening and that what’s left of ‘me’.”
This last part is important. Even when the sense of self fades, there’s still a kind of awareness that observes what’s happening. It’s not a person or an ego—it’s just a quiet presence.